Missionaries ...

One  of the blessings of our call is working with the missionaries. We meet with them in district and quad zone meetings, we teach with them, we go to ward correlation with them, we eat with them once in a while, we check their flats (bring treats as rewards) and get them things that they need, even those that serve on the Isle of Wight. We go to their baptisms and fellowship those they are teaching ... we study with them! We have learned so much from them and they really have a deep desire to bring everyone they can to Christ, even  those that do not want to go, but they keep trying. There are so many ups and downs in missionary work and they try to stay positive through it all. So today missionaries .... We are part of the Portsmouth Zone and these are currently the members of our district.  The picture was taken at the end of our district meeting in Winchester yesterday.

Left to right Elder Sanns (Rexburg),  Elder Brewster (England), Elder Hess, 
Elder McSpadden, Sister Holt  (St.  Geroge), Sister Larsen (Pocatello)

Yesterday we ate pizza as a reward for meeting the new investigator goal, had our "White Book " chase, talked about those we were teaching, discussed finances and The Book of Mormon and how it answers the questions of the soul. We were to come prepared to talk about one of those questions, supporting scriptures and a personal experience if that experience would strengthen the discussion. 

Elder Brewster shared

Elder Hess shared Alma 7: 1-12

Alma 26: 11-12

Sister Larsen

Sister Holt

Elders Sanns

Elder Hewlett

Sister Hewlett

This is all planned by the missionaries. We closed with a children's song, "I Feel My Savior's Love" and the last verse, which I do not remember ever hearing before, really struck me,

I’ll share my Savior’s love

By serving others freely.

In serving I am blessed.

In giving I receive.

He knows I will follow him,

Give all my life to him.

I feel my Savior’s love,

The love he freely gives me.

 He knows I will follow Him? Just a simple children's song ... maybe not so simple! What does He know? Everything perhaps!

Elder Epperson and Sisters .  District  Meeting in  Portsmouth.  Sister Mamaud was laughing so hard she fell off her chair.	Elder Howe on the right was one of my students  at Woods Cross High School  and his dad grew up in Steve's home ward. Smart, great  young man. I told him I would have never imagined he would  be my zone leader.
Elder Myriny (Italy) and Elder Ataia (Christmas Island)  a tour last Quad Zone  Conference.Elder Myriny is a  twin and grew up in Verona, Italy in several government orphanages. He moved to  Manchester, England two years ago to go to college and begin a new life. He met the elders and was baptized. About a year later he started his mission. He is wonderful. Beside him is Elder Ataia from Christmas Island.  Elder Ataia spoke no English before coming here  and had never worn shoes. They are both great! Elder Ataia is almost ready to go home. We spent 6 months with him on Guernsey. We call him our "son." Poole Stake Center.	Lunch line at our Quad Zone Conference in  Poole. The Poole Stake head by Alan and Trace Ou,  the Furbank family and many others have made and served missionaries every quad zone  Conference for about five years. After lunch the  missionaries sing to those who fix lunch. They  start with, "We have been born like Nephi of old" and end with , "We thank you foooor our food." Tears in all of our eyes every time. We love  Poole  Stake and all  those mentioned above and  because they are no longer in our mission we will miss them.
Elder Carlton (England) his last district meeting at Christmas in Portsmouth Stake Center.	Our Christmas District Meeting left to right Elder Connor, Elder Carlton, Elder Epperson (Texas) Sister Choi, Sister Mamuad (New Zealand)
Quad Zone Meeting in Poole	Wandsworth/Portsmouth Zone  Meeting in Hyde Park Chapel basement . September 2018
Dinner at our flat for Thomas Clemons who just received the Aaronic Priesthood and was  returning to Guernsey for the summer. He goes to Uni in Chichester. Another "son."	Last Quad Zone Meeting. We always love to hear them sing!

Beatrice had a daughter Mary ! ..... I have cousins Annie and Julian!

The end of May/beginning of June when Steve and I were told to take a week and see what we wanted to before going to Guernsey we headed west to Bristol and Devon. It takes no encouragement to get me to those places. We saw the Tedburrow sign and I was aware of the the area  in my family's history, but didn't have it all figured out. Stephanie and I had been  to Tedburrow in  July. We talked to a few people  on the road and one man in a large house, but still couldn't pinpoint houses or cottages. Tedburrow is a small area ...not even a hamlet, just outside of Hemyock, Devon, England and my Great Great Grandparents death certificates and census records say they lived and died in Tedburrow,  so  I was not finished! October put us back in the area for a Senior Conference. When we had a little time we headed to do family history .... SURPRISE,  SURPRISE! We first headed to Plymouth to do Steve's work. See previous post on John Rowe Moyle. We went directly to the records office in Plymouth and found some great maps that helped us pinpoint those Moyle houses, but I also found a great map of Devon and I was able to search the Tithe Applotment records for Devon ancestors, especially those that were from Hemyock, my Broomfield family. my grandmother Isabella's family. Again, I found a map and we headed to Tedburrow.

Short, short version.  There were two houses that interested me.  One bore the name, Tedburrow Cottage, the same name as on the census records f or William  Broomfield and Sarah Wood. So I knocked on the door of the cottage and sweet Mrs. Richards answered the door. I asked her questions about the cottage and I thought there must have been additional  cottages in the back, according to the map. She told me that the back of their cottage was an add-on and yes, there were cottages in the back that are no longer there. She said that she had another man and a lady come by to see the cottage and she had a letter from them and  knew right where the letter was. The letter, although I didn't know it at the time,  opened up an unknown  and new  part of my family tree. Julian Potter had written the letter prior to a visit to see Tedburrow Cottage with his sister Annie, but I still did not know if they had a Broomfield connection or if I was on the right path.  I knew I was close. So I took  a picture of the letter and sent off my own letter to Julian, who actually lives quite close to Tedburrow. Apparently very soon  after his sister Annie emailed me a couple of times and I did not get the email. One day when we were in Guernsey I received a phone call from Annie. Yes, we are related and she told me that she was the granddaughter of Beatrice, my grandmother's sister. That couldn't be ... Beatrice didn't have a daughter. Beatrice was never married!

Victoria "Mary" Broomfield with her
daughter Annie.

She lived most of her adult life in a hospital, home or an institution. "No, she didn't marry but, yes she did have a daughter," said Annie. At some point Beatrice was taken out of one home, probably close to 1920 and became pregnant, or that is what they were told and the daughter Victoria Mary Broomfield was the result of that pregnancy.  Mary had two children Annie and Julian and they are my second cousins. Annie and her husband Barry live in London and Julian lives in Devon, Newton Abbot to be exact. We met in on a Saturday in March in Dorset at her parent's former home, that they call the Forge, because at one time it was a  forge. Julian came also and  we  had a wonderful visit, exchanged information and shared a  wonderful meal together. It really was  wonderful! They have never known family on their mother's side, and although there are many here in England, the two of us, who have had the least family around  us all of our lives, met in Dorset.  Their mother Mary had a difficult upbringing in foster homes where the parents were mean and even meaner because Mary was  illegitimate.  How cruel! Mary so wanted to know family and at one time Annie had added up just the family on rough sheets Annie had obtained from the home where Beatrice had lived. She told her mother that she had lots of family. Their parents

Mary Broomfield and Don Potter her
husband, parents of Annie and Julian.

spent their entire adult lives in the village of Bryanston and their father, Don  Potter, an artist taught at the Bryanston Residential School, just down the road, as did their mother. Both parents, amazing artists and craftsman. I so wish I had known them. The forge was a favorite for me with paintings on the walls, hand thrown pottery all around and pieces of each of their work, a woven screen  that their mother had maid and pillows that had been made from handspun yard. Sculptures and work of their father.  It was difficult to take it all in. I went to the bathroom upstairs and it took  me so long because I had to stop all along the way and look at everything. It was all so tasteful. I suppose besides meeting them one of the real treasure of the trip were the rough hand typed notes that they had obtained from the home where Beatrice had lived. We started to add up the James Broomfield family including my grandmother Isabella and  their grandmother Beatrice. They had three more children on those rough notes that I did. Three more children ... three that I never knew about and was never told about. Did my grandmother know that. All three had been born  between census years and had died as infants, two boys, James and John and a girl Sara Ellen. I searched for years there weren't children on the indexes,  I looked in areas that I knew James and Ellen Broomfield lived and looked for names that sounded like family. I have found, sent for and received all their birth certificates and the boys death certificates.The information had been provided to the home by Beatrice and Isabella's older sisters Fanny and Eliza. Well, if I do nothing  more on this mission and I hope we are doing and will do much more, this may be enough. A beautiful new family relationship. I sent she and Julian a number of pictures of Beatrice, some that I had on my computer, some that Anthony sent me and some that my Uncle George sent me. They had not seen any of them and were delighted. They saw their grandmother as a child and as an adult. It has  been very tender and very rewarding for me. So life in southern  England has not disappointed. We need to figure out a way to do more rescuing of the YSA and with the new emphasis and we already started before this new emphasis on ministering, but I will save that for another blog. I have three new cousins Annie, Barry and Julian. I am very blessed and very happy.

Annie and Julian Potter children of Victoria Mary Broomfield	Barry and Annie Singleton and Julian Potter, my second cousins.
Don Potter husband of Victoria Mary Broomfield Potter	Victoria "Mary" Broomfield Potter daughter of Beatrice Broomfield
Don and "Mary" Broomfield Potter and their family, Bryanston Village, Dorset	Victoria "Mary" Broomfield Potter

Bryanston School where Don Potter taught art, sculpting and ceramics for over 40 years.

"The Forge" home of Don and Mary Broomfield Potter.  Don's studio is
on the left. Now summer home of Annie and Barry in Bryanston Village
 in  Dorset.

Senior Zone Conference ... the Portsmouth Docks

I have a red velvet skirt on because we were supposed to be

going to the Stake Valentines' Dance after, that we helped

decorate for the night before. With clean up, we never made it 

the dance and the skirt looks out of place without the 

explanation

Last weekend we hosted all the senior missionaries (12 couples), our mission president and his wife at a conference here in Portsmouth. We live about seven miles east of Portsmouth in the town of Havant on the edge of Hayling Island. If we were to be more specific we actually live on the border of Langstone and Havant. I wondered about the location at first because it is hidden off a major road and next to a freeway, but we are tucked away and it is very quiet and it gives us easy access to the freeway, which is nice, because we are always traveling to other areas in our Zone. Four times a year we meet in a Senior Conference and this was our third one.  Our first one was on the east side of the Thames, the second one was in Devon on the west of England and this one was here, so as to spend a day at the Historic Portsmouth Docks. We are not in charge of these conferences, but because it was here we scoped out places to visit and a restaurant for lunch Saturday and even accommodations and we helped prepare dinner Friday evening at the Hamble River Chapel for everyone. So not a  terrible duty as we visited some tourists sites and some wonderful villages. I researched additional close sites that they could visit on their own, including a Roman Palace in Fishbourne a few miles east of us, Jane Austen's house in Chawton Village. Jane often travelled to Portsmouth to visit her brothers, Francis and Charles, who were stationed there with the Royal Navy. From 1809 until 1817 Jane lived in the beautiful village of Chawton near Alton where Jane's brother owned Chawton House. Jane's brother offered Jane, Cassandra and their mother a house in Chawton Village which is now know as Jane Austen's House Museum. Back in the countryside Jane turned again to writing and produced her greatest works, plus revising previous drafts of Mansfield Park, Emma, and Persuasion. In 1817 Jane became ill and moved to a house in College Street, Winchester with her sister to be closer to her doctor. Sadly after a couple of weeks at the age of 41, she passed away on the 18th July 1817. A few days later she was laid to rest in Winchester Cathedral,  which can also be visited.  Charles Dicken's birthplace in Portsmouth, the Portsmouth Museum,with exhibits of Arthur Conan Doyle (Sherlock  Holmes) and 40 years of Gaming, Porchester Castle. Other close sites we suggested are the 13th Century Great Hall in Winchester. In  the hall is the greatest symbol of medieval mythology, 'The Round Table of King Arthur'. The Great Hall is also one of the filming locations for Netflix’s ‘The Crown’ series, the Museum of Naval Power and the Royal Navy Submarine Museum. Portsmouth is also home to the Royal Navy.  It is a huge complex near the Historic Dockyards. We didn't visit all these before the conference, nor have we since, but we did visit the Roman Palace and were so pleasantly surprised. Some of  it's mosaic floors date to 75 A.D., and the little Village of Hamble, is now a favorite and we have returned and taken one of the office couples with us. They have a wonderful shop, small cobbled streets, great restaurants and a pink ferry that crosses the river. As a note, the man (elder) of the couple we took, the Wallace's from Sandy, was a mission companion to our cousin Dave, when he served his mission in Wyoming. So here are the pictures ... not as deep and heavy as my last post.

So we started off Friday evening  with a meeting.  We were all supposed to have  studied the atonement and come with something we would want to share for four minutes. I chose a talk that was given by Thomas B.  Griffith, a missionary with Steve in South Africa and a pseudo- member o f our study group. They lived in Virginia most of their lives,  although they attended BYU. He came back to BYU in 2000 as an Assistant to the President and as the general legal counsel, and after about five years returned to Virginia when he was  appointed to the United States Court of Appeals by President George W. Bush.  My remarks came from one of his devotional addresses called the Root of Christian Doctrine and talks about the atonement. Tom says everything we teach and talk about in Sacrament Meeting we should be able to link to the atonement. I have thought and reread this talk so many times. I have been trying to study Grace and the Atonement for a number of years, partly because I feel it is so important and partly because I am so weak and indebted to Him. So here is part of his thought I used from Christ's appearance to the people in the America's.  I think it i s brilliant!

And it came to pass [that] they cast their eyes up again towards heaven; and behold, they saw a Man descending out of heaven; and he was clothed in a white robe; and he came down and stood in the midst of them; and the eyes of the whole multitude were turned upon him, and they durst not open their mouths, even one to another, and wist not what it meant, for they thought it was an angel that had appeared unto them. [3 Nephi 11:8]

They were in awe and a little confused. The Savior’s first act of communication was “stretch[ing] forth his hand,” showing the symbol and evidence of His sacrifice. Then He “spake unto the people, saying: Behold, I am Jesus Christ, whom the prophets testified shall come into the world” (3 Nephi 11:9–10). Those who were nearby couldn’t help but notice the wound in His hand. He was not timid about that wound. He wanted it to be seen.

He wanted them to understand that He is the Creator of this universe and that by Him the world is sustained today. Do you remember the next thing He wanted them to know about Him? His Atonement: I have drunk out of that bitter cup which the Father hath given me, and have glorified the Father in taking upon me the sins of the world, in the which I have suffered the will of the Father in all things from the beginning. [3 Nephi 11:11]

And it came to pass that when Jesus had spoken these words the whole multitude fell to the earth; for they remembered that it had been prophesied among them that Christ should show himself unto them after his ascension into heaven. [3 Nephi 11:12]

What followed is, to me, the most sacred part of this experience. Jesus commanded them to come forward one by one and do something difficult: Arise and come forth unto me, that ye may thrust your hands into my side, and also that ye may feel the prints of the nails in my hands and in my feet, that ye may know that I am the God of Israel, and the God of the whole earth, and have been slain for the sins of the world. [3 Nephi 11:14] There is a gruesome quality to this command. In our culture we hide scars, we don’t display them, and we certainly don’t ask others to feel them. But Christ wanted these people to have physical contact with these emblems of His suffering.

What had done that? What had turned them from good, obedient people to good, obedient people who now knew Jesus Christ as Savior? What had caused them to fall down at His feet to worship Him? It was physical contact with the emblems of His suffering.

Hosanna! Blessed be the name of the Most High God! And they did fall down at the feet of Jesus, and did worship him. [3 Nephi 11:16–17] Notice what just happened. The second time these people fell at Jesus’ feet, they “did worship him.” That didn’t happen the first time. The first time they may have fallen to the ground for any number of reasons: fear, awe, peer pressure. I don’t know. But the second time they fell to worship Him. Why the different reaction from the first time? The second time they cried out in unison, “Hosanna!” which means, “Save us, now!” Why were these people, the righteous remnant, crying out to Christ for salvation now? Let me suggest a possible answer. Although they had been obedient, perhaps they had not yet come to know Him as their Savior because they had not yet felt the need to be saved. They had led lives filled with good works. They knew Jesus as God, as Exemplar, maybe even as Friend. But maybe they didn’t yet know Him as Savior. Their prayer wasn’t, “Thank you for having saved us in the past and reminding us of that by your presence today.” No, the prayer was a current plea: “Hosanna!” or “Save us, now!” ”

That suggests to me that they were just then coming to know Him as Savior.

What had done that? What had turned them from good, obedient people to good, obedient people who now knew Jesus Christ as Savior? What had caused them to fall down at His feet to worship Him? It was physical contact with the emblems of His suffering.

The front of Admiral Nelson's ship.  All  the 

windows are actually living quarters, except in 

battle and then they dismantle the living

quarters and bring in big guns.

Well, that was Friday night and we had a dinner of crockpot chicken parmesan over noodles,  with salad and a bowl of strawberries and cheesecake.  I don't think I have a picture. Saturday we met at 10:00 at the Dockyards and went first to Admiral Horatio Nelson's ship the "Victory" HMS Victory, which was first launched in 1765, was Admiral Lord Nelson's flagship at the Battle of Trafalgar in 1805. The battle was one of the most decisive victories for the British against the French and Spanish and confirmed the naval supremacy they had established through the 18th century. We then went on a harbor tour which was better than I thought it would be as it highlighted many of the new, incredibly advanced and technical ships and submarines of the Royal  Navy. We are well defended! One ship had 148 ICBM's in one tower. It was crazy how accurate they are at such a long distance. Who would have thought I could talk ships. After the tour we went straight to lunch at Boathouse 4 next door. Steve and I had checked it out a few weeks before and talked to people to make arrangements for our group. They were amazing and so prepared for us, the food is really quite good and we didn't have to leave the dockyard. The boathouse is amazing because you can volunteer to work on old boats, or if you have old boats you can bring them in and pay for supplies and others can work on them.

Boathouse 4. We had lunch in  the restaurant above overlooking the boathouse.	The navy ship that has 148 ICBMs in  the tower. Don't mess with the Royal Navy
The bunks where the men slept.	Lord Nelson's ship " The Victory" It lead 27 British   ships to triumph over 33 French and Spanish ships
Cannonballs	The Victory side view She was built from 6,000 trees, 90 per cent of which were oak - the equivalent of 100 acres of woodlands. The HMS Victory has 37 sails flown from three masts and it would carry 23 spare sails during battle. The total sail area is 6,510 square yards.  Her top speed was 11 knots, or 12mph.

“Lord, Is It I?” Seeing ourselves clearly is the beginning of wisdom

I haven't been able to sleep tonight, so when I got  up and saw this talk on facebook, Is It I? (click on  for link) by President Deiter F. Uchtdorf, I knew it was the answer to my insomnia. I think about this every day, every night .... We are always talking people here. We are called to serve as YSA missionaries and the statistics are heartbreaking. One ward has over 100 YSA on their rolls and only. Most wards are the same. The why's have filled my thoughts and time and obviously my sleep.  We cook food for meetings and maybe 12-20 come to Institute and not many more than 5-8 at Family Home Evenings (FHE) on Thursday night. I know that each one is valuable and even if just one showed up it would be "worth" the effort, but there has to be more we can do ... It is difficult to know where to start, so if anyone has any suggestions or answers let us know. There are so many who are living below their spiritual potential and  blessings. The future leadership of the Church in England or at least the membership is in peril! And the scriptures are clear,  "When thou art converted strengthen  thy brethern."  It reminds me a great deal of my readings in the Book of Mormon on the Pride Cycle, or not even pride, just loss of faith, or tired ...  I love Elder Uchtdorf's 2013 talk,  Come Join With Us." I think a landmark talk where he said, "Doubt your doubts, before you doubt you faith," and while I am searching for things to tell people, my own missionary dialogue,  and resources to help me form that dialogue and give words to my faith I have read and listened to many things. I don't know how to plead to anyone and I would like to plead ...

Many, maybe never were fully converted, many of us aren't, many lack support, many have fallen to the large and spacious building or the pride cycle in the Book of Mormon, the world has consumed their faith and faithfulness, but for many I think it is just too hard, or they are hurt or choose to be offended, or it takes too much time or effort or they have or are looking in the wrong direction for peace and happiness or anything else of eternal worth, or they are just tired, sometimes tired of doing it alone. For some, their priorities are askew or they don't see their own value or worth or as Sister Rosemary Wixom said in her April 2015 conference address (this is the following night and I am reading again), some just have questions and are trying to find answers and their faith. She shares the following story of a young mother who had been  raised in the church and trying to find her own answers ...

... she read a book of the writings of Mother Teresa, who had shared similar feelings. In a 1953 letter, Mother Teresa wrote: “Please pray specially for me that I may not spoil His work and that Our Lord may show Himself--for there is such terrible darkness within me, as if everything was dead. It has been like this more or less from the time I started ‘the work.’ Ask Our Lord to give me courage.”

Archbishop Périer responded: “God guides you, dear Mother; you are not so much in the dark as you think. The path to be followed may not always be clear at once. Pray for light; do not decide too quickly, listen to what others have to say, consider their reasons. You will always find something to help you. … Guided by faith, by prayer, and by reason with a right intention, you have enough.”

My friend thought if Mother Teresa could live her religion without all the answers and without a feeling of clarity in all things, maybe she could too. She could take one simple step forward in faith--and then another. She could focus on the truths she did believe and let those truths fill her mind and heart.

Someone once told me that not all those that are wandering are not always lost, they are just wandering.

I also just (2nd late night) read Scott's uncle, Elder Brent Nielsen's talk, "Waiting for the Prodigal " from  the same conference and I sit here in  tears.  I remember the talk, but didn't know Elder Nielsen at the time. It follows the story of his sister Susan who left the church, " However, in 1994 our sister, Susan, became disenchanted with the Church and some of its teachings. She was persuaded by those who mocked and criticized the early leaders of the Church. She allowed her faith in living prophets and apostles to diminish. Over time, her doubts overcame her faith, and she chose to leave the Church." They continued to love and surround Susan and her family over the years and never gave up hope that she would return. At the close of his talk he says, "

" Susan describes this experience just as Lehi described it in the Book of Mormon. She let go of the iron rod and found herself in a mist of darkness (see 1 Nephi 8:23). She states that she did not know she was lost until her faith was reawakened by the Light of Christ, which brightly magnified the stark contrast between what she was experiencing in the world and what the Lord and her family were offering."

We talk to senior missionaries and ward leaders about the prevalence of  disregard for the prophets or the words and commandments especially those that talk about sexual morality. And that is not just nonmembers ... members  who have a complete knowledge of the gospel. We now even tell YSA to just come to church, even just Sunday School, and bring  their partners, hoping that they will feel the spirit again and want to come back. I know this is not just in England  and that this happens in Bountiful, Utah also, but here the numbers are staggering. Marriage is just not the norm. It is another reason they fall away from their faith. We have joked with the missionaries that maybe they could have a questionnaire that reads, "Do you smoke or drink alcohol?" "Do you have transportation?" "Are you married?" Do you have a job (added by the ward mission leader),  Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick! Missionary work is hard when you have to help them stop smoking and drinking and get them married. On Guernsey we even offered to host a reception and wedding in our house for a couple.  We prayed for them and tool their names to the temple often and instead of accepting our offer they broke up after seventeen years. I am not sure if our praying worked or maybe it did.

If you expect to find perfect people here, you will be disappointed. But if you seek the pure doctrine of Christ, the word of God “which healeth the wounded soul,”and the sanctifying influence of the Holy Ghost, then here you will find them. In this age of waning faith—in this age when so many feel distanced from heaven’s embrace—here you will find a people who yearn to know and draw closer to their Savior by serving God and fellowmen, just like you. Come, join with us!       

I am reminded of a time in the Savior’s life when many abandoned Him. Jesus asked His twelve disciples: “Will ye also go away? “Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life.”There are times when we have to answer the same question. Will we also go away? Or will we, like Peter, hold fast to the words of eternal life? If you seek truth, meaning, and a way to transform faith into action; if you are looking for a place of belonging: Come, join with us! If you have left the faith you once embraced: Come back again. Join with us! If you are tempted to give up: Stay yet a little longer. There is room for you here. I plead with all who hear or read these words: Come, join with us. Come heed the call of the gentle Christ. Take up your cross and follow Him. Come, join with us! For here you will find what is precious beyond price. I testify that here you will find the words of eternal life, the promise of blessed redemption, and the pathway to peace and happiness. I earnestly pray that your own search for truth will impress upon your heart the desire to come and join with us. In the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen. (President Deiter Uchtdorf,  2013, Come Join With Us )

We have a friend who has apparently been involved with a group of members who go around the country (U.S.) to talk to people who are not active in the church and attempt to have a spiritual dialogue with them and answer their questions. I don't know the name of the group, but I was trying to research it the other day and it may be the group "Faith Again." I know Terryl and Fiona Givens, https://www.terrylgivens.com/ the authors of  "The Christ Who Heals" (Deseret 2017); "The Crucible of Doubt" (Deseret 2014), and "The God Who Weeps" (Deseret, 2012) are somehow connected to the group. I haven't read "The Christ Who Heals," but I am going to order it today.

(Hours later) Besides my reading in 3rd Nephi, today I have read and  listened to 'My Grace is Sufficient" by Brad Wilcox, and a podcast by him on LDS Perspectives, part of the "Infinite Atonement" by Tad Callister and the three conference talks I have referred to above.  I have read other passages of similar content on LDS Living. I just listened to the video " The Prodigal Son,  because I think we are always the son and the father. I would want to welcome back so many the same way and I am sure my Father thinks about me in the same light continually, "She was lost ..." 

Last Saturday night we took Thomas to dinner.  We love Thomas and he joined the church September 2, 2017 on Guernsey and left three days later for college in Chichester. We face-timed with the senior missionaries before he left and thought we had him connected to the sister missionaries. They both moved soon after his arrival. He came to church once and then everyone changed and he apparently was "jumped" in Chichester and had to have surgery to move his cheekbone back in place. Thomas was "lost." We invited him to dinner in Chichester two Saturdays ago, just after he got back  from Christmas break and when I saw him on the High Street (South Street) I cried (I know some of you think that is just normal). I was so glad to see him.  If it had been appropriate and I could still run, I would have run to meet  him. After dinner we talked to him about coming to church and at first I didn't know if he would, but he exercised faith and came, he said, "He would try it again." I had someone meet him at the train station in Chichester and then someone brought him back after the second hour as he had a practice. We went to his volleyball game that Wednesday in the pouring and sleeting rain,  he came  to church again and this time a young couple volunteered to pick  him up each Sunday.  I bring him dinner each Sunday as he misses the only cafeteria meal of the day when he stays for the two hours. I feel like my son has come home! The Wells, who are on Guernsey told us that President Crew and Elder Wells visited with Greta when he was last on Guernsey and told her to just come when she could for as long as she wanted, but to at least take the sacrament. Greta didn't come that first Sunday but she came the next. JOY for both Elder Hewlett and I. We have told you how much we love Greta and that her not wanting to come again broke my heart. President Crew has such love and speaks with such love and we have such love for him and faith in him. Those two experiences have brought me so much JOY! I wish I could see many, many more souls return, and if I am joyful, I know my Father In  Heaven is joyful, after all we are all his children and we are all brothers and sisters. That is the power of Grace and the Atonement. A quote on  the wall in front of me relates ( maybe it doesn't relate at all)  in some way to all of us who struggle, feel like we fall short or are alone and sometimes loose some faith,

When in situations of stress, we wonder if there is any more in us to give, we can be comforted to know that God, who knows our capabilities perfectly, placed  us here to succeed.  No one was foreordained to fail or to be wicked. When we  have been weighed and found wanting, let us remember that we were measured before and were found equal to our tasks; and therefore, let us continue but with a more determined discipleship." (Elder Maxwell Ensign, Feb 1979,73.)

"One's  life, therefore, cannot be both faith-filled and stress-free ... Therefore, how can you and I really expect to glide naively through life,a s if to say,  "Lord, give me experience, but not grief, not sorrow,  not pain, not opposition, not betrayal, and certainly not to be forsaken.  Keep from me, Lord, all those experiences which made Thee what Thou Art! Then let me come and dwell with Thee and fully share Thy joy!" 

Wow, this is long and it started in the middle of last night. It is time to try the middle of the night again. (I tried it and I am back at the computer). I am not one who often says it came to me in the middle of the night, but I can tell you when I got up this morning, I could not find on my facebook page the post I found  last night, "Lord is it I?" I would love to serve more deeply, more meaningfully and certainly be better/ I have a lot to work on. Hopefully this spiritual wandering has helped the past few days. I have moved from, "Is it I," to lost sheep and everywhere in between. Maybe I have to take care of  myself before I can help others. That is where I have been led. I still do not know what to do. (Sorry this is a pretty heavy post)